Frank Stare is a recovering hugger, but all's well that ends well

Because of Frank Stare, I'm going to at last get my Advocate delivered to my doorstep and not to the adjoining snow, flowers or grass. Finally I found a law that will resolve this issue!

They used it on Frank Stare during his trial as a hugger. It's Section 2917.11 of the Ohio Code. They nailed Frank with this law for trying to be nice because in doing so he was considered by the hugee to be annoying. He was convicted for being annoying in a city so full of annoying people they can't be counted, one of whom is supposed to put the Advocate on my doorstep.

Nobody on the face of the earth is more annoying than a paper slinger who walks through the neighbor's flowers (though she was twice asked not to do that) and across my yard (instead of the sidewalk) and approaches my house for a distance of maybe 13 paces. Nothing wrong with any of that except for the neighbor's flowers. Nothing except that if she were to walk one single step farther, she could get the paper on my doorstep and not in the crack by the doorstep that can only be seen if I open the doors and walk out on the step. Just one more freakin' step. How annoying can it get?

Certainly a hug is far less annoying. But Frank admitted doing the hugging crime - though likely it was only a sort of a half a crime, as you can visualize when a guy his size tries to reach across a stack of election signs to deliver any sort of full-blown annoying hug. Nevertheless, the lady (who had just been given a free ride and a sympathetic ear regarding her troubles) was annoyed and righteously pursued the case right up to the point where she would have had to publicly testify about her annoyance.

Never mind that Frank's public service career is probably over, and never mind that he also had to go to court and had to be made the subject of a big photo in the Advocate as he sat in court, and he had to screw around with attorneys and legalities and detectives and he ended up having to pay a $50 fine and the hugee never had to testify nor be publicly identified.

This Ohio "gotcha" law lists all sorts of ways in which the legal system can jerk around anyone unfortunate enough to be standing in the wrong place. While "hugging" as such isn't mentioned in the Ohio Revised Code section 2917.11 (which you can read at this link) it does say that you may not cause inconvenience, annoyance, or alarm ... etc." and so my legal advice is that anyone with hugging in mind better get a written permission slip.

But all's well that ends well. Frank is now a recovering hugger; one less hugger we have running the streets of Newark thanks to a diligent city prosecutor, police detectives, safety director, court system and a gaggle of news reporters.

Even better than this city being rid of a hugger, I now have the legal ammunition to go after that Advocate delivery person. Pretty soon she just might be a recovering miss-the-doorstepper.